A film by Trevor Cawood.
â€¦â€Jozin z bazinâ€ (Joe from the Swamps) â€¦is about a swamp monster that specializes in devouring citizens of Prague and which can be destroyed only by a crop-dusting plane.
Via Warren Ellis.
So something wakes me up at about 4am. Being generally slow to rouse, it takes me a while to realise that there’s something alive in the waste paper bin. Squatting for a while in the dark, I wonder how best to approach the situation. It isn’t hard to figure out what’s happening: one of the numerous animals that my cats leave as dead totems outside my bedroom (birds, mice, rats) has survived its ordeal and taken refuge in the bin.
My girlfriend awakes, sleepy, annoyed. I’ll have to deal with the situation solo.
Eventually I elect to pull the bin out of its niche, better to see what we’re dealing with. A small brown rat leaps out and appears to fly down the stairs like a tiny, furry rocket. It slams into the front door with me in nervous pursuit. I try to open the door for it to escape, but it scurries past me into the housemate’s downstairs bedroom. Fortunately (perhaps) he’s out, and does not witness my half-naked apoplexy in his doorway.
The beast disappears. I spend twenty minutes in silent mode, armed with a long blue pole I found in the kitchen, waiting for its reappearance. I spot it inside the derelict fireplace, but there’s no way to be sure of getting it out. If I lose it under the bed/storage area then it might never come out. And so I spend the next thirty minutes constructing an elaborate series of makeshift barricades intended to funnel the creature out into the hall, and then out though the open front door.
And I wait. Eventually the thing emerges and I swoop down like a skinny savage. The beast tries to run back but is cut off by a deft thrust of my blue pole. It flees, as intended, down the corridor of boxes, and into the night.
Man’s ingenuity once again overcomes the challenges thrown down by nature.
Kamchatka would be the place to be.